Tokyo Night
-Dear Santa, I can explain...
- When nothing goes right, go left.
- I'm not random, you just can't think as fast as I can.
- I did not hit you... I simply high-fived your face.

- The last thing I want to do is hurt you... but its still on the list.

- Some people blame our generation, but have they ever stopped to think who raised us?

- What's this thing called "normal?" Is it contagious?! OMG!! Don't touch me! I might catch your "normal!"

- I'm so broke I can't even pay attention

- Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot your revenge.

- Do it today. It might be illegal tomorrow.

- The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot/should not do.

- It takes skill to trip over flat surfaces.

- The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell their body parts for money.
- Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver

- It's a beautiful day. Now watch some idiot screw it up.

- Welcome to the dark side. Are you surprised we lied about having cookies?

- Do not interrupt me when I am talking to myself!
- I can only please one person a day. Today isn't your day. Tomorrow doesn't look good either.
- In case of emergency, run like hell
- To be old and wise, you must first be young and stupid
- I hate it when the little voices argue with my imaginary friends.

- "Latte" is italian for "you paid too much for that coffee"

- The police never think it's as funny as you do

- I'll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.
- Anyone ever notice that "studying" is "student" and "dying" put together?

- Beer; now cheaper than gas. Drink... don't drive.
- My whole problem is my lips move when I think

- I am fluent in sarcasm

- I trust you've thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.

- We'll be the old ladies causing trouble in the nursing home.
- Yeah, okay, yes, yeah, yeah, okay, yes, I know, okay, yeah, BYE MOM!
- F.I.N.A.L.S: (F#ck I Never Actually Learned This Sh*t!)

- I don't care if you're a gangsta, pull up your pants please

- When I was your age, Pluto was a planet
- Yogurt; it's not bad, it just tastes that way.

- Dear math, I dont want to solve your problems, I have my own.
- Don't worry about the world coming to an end today; its already tomorrow in Australia.

- Kids are the future. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
- Children in the dark make accidents. Accidents in the dark make children.
- Closed minds always seem to be connected to open mouths.
- Life isnt passing me by; it's trying to run me over.

- Between two evils, I always pick the one I've never tried.

- Shit happens. But mostly to me, so dont worry.
- All those who have telekenesis, raise my hand.

- Why do they steralize the needle for lethal injections?
- Will there be boys there? No mom, its a nun club


@темы: Размышлизмы, Юмор